Her mom would also give us updates and just email to check in every so often. It was fun to build a relationship with her as well.
After having our experience with Abby where she was already born when we learned of her I thought I would always want that same experience. We only had a couple weeks of wondering if placement would really happen, and that uncertainty was so emotionally draining. I couldn't imagine having to live with that uncertainty for months of pregnancy. And also have the uncertainty of miscarriage as well. So matching so early in the pregnancy (3 months) was a little scary to me. But as it turns out, I wasn't nervous at all really. There had been enough spiritual confirmation and enough validation and affirmation from Yulia and her family that I never really worried that things wouldn't work out. I'm so grateful for that.
We did have a hurdle to overcome with the adoption company. While we were visiting Yulia and her family we found out that we had been lied to and that certain things had been misrepresented. We were seriously upset. We were upset for us, and we were upset for Yulia. We were worried that she would not get the support from the company she would need. I don't want to go into the details about it, but it was a big deal. It occupied a lot of our time and emotional energy. If there had been a way to proceed with the adoption but stop working with the company we would have. A lot of my texting with Yulia and emailing with Beth concerned this problem. I guess in a way it brought us closer together. But it was draining. Eventually, things did get resolved, or at least settled down, so that's good.
Anyway, the months went by. We got more and more excited. Ryan's friends at work gave him a surprise baby shower - so sweet of them!
My friends from church had a shower for me as well - which I loved. One thing that made it extra special was having Cheyenne, her mom Cathy, and her grandma Carol all there. I love that our birth families are our friends and our family.
People kept asking me if we were ready for our baby. I always answered yes, and no. Having had no warning with Abby to have time to get anything ready we learned you don't really need that much to bring a baby home. And we already had all the essentials. We planned to have the kids share a room once he's old enough to sleep through the night. We didn't need to get a room ready. We had pretty much everything we needed except boy clothes and diapers. Between our baby showers and friends giving me hand-me-downs those needs were met the last couple weeks of June and first week of July. So we were all set. I focused on spending as much one-on-one time with Abby as I could. We had an adventure almost every day - many involved Six Flags or Hurricane Harbor. We had a lot of fun together.
I had a plan, what seemed to me to be an ideal scenario for how everything would play out. It went like this: My mom would come to Texas July 2nd and would spend a few days with me, helping me get ready for Mikey (making freezer meals, finishing sewing projects, cleaning my house, etc.) On the 8th Abby, my mom, and I would leave to start our drive to North Carolina. We would have fun along the way, stopping to visit friends and have adventures. We would arrive in NC on the 10th - one week before his due date. During that week we'd have fun doing girl stuff with my sister Maggi (who we were staying with) and Yulia (pedicures, eating out, movies, etc.) We would just have fun together before the emotions of adoption got super intense. Ryan would fly in to NC on the 15th. Yulia would go into labor the 16th or 17th. She would decide she really wanted us not only at the hospital, but she really WANTED me in the delivery room as well. Everything would go smoothly, with as little pain for Yulia as ever occurs. I would get to cut the cord. She would hold him first, and then place him in my arms. We would spend time in the hospital room not only bonding with him but together as well. Ryan and I would have a room at the hospital as well. 48 hours after delivery we'd sign all the paper work. (Placement is hard no matter what - for everyone - so there's no great ideal here, just that you hope to be able to feel the joy of having a new baby while also hoping this babies incredible birth parents aren't blinded by crippling pain. There is so much emotion, I can't even explain it - other than feeling all the joy that is possible at the same time as being broken by pain.) We would take him with us to Maggi's house where we would stay for 10-15 days while the ICPC (interstate compact for the protection of children) paperwork was completed and we could return to Texas. During that time we would spend several days with Yulia and her family. We would do a photo shoot together. By the time we left Yulia would feel secure in knowing that we would always include her in his life, that we loved her, and that her healing process would be starting.
Things didn't happen according to my plan at all. As time grew closer for Yulia to deliver her feelings toward contact with the baby changed. Although she had first thought she only wanted letters and pictures after placement, she had changed her mind to being much more open to regular contact after our trip to NC, including yearly visits (or even more often.) But with the reality of his birth fear also grew. (I was writing the details of all the emotional ups and downs that occurred at this time but have decided not to share them on here. I was going to share everything because I want people to understand as clearly as possible what adoption is really like - the good and the bad. But in sharing everything I feel that I may be betraying trust. I don't know how to share the whole story, especially how to paint a vivid picture of the emotion that comes into play without sharing details, but I'll try.) We could understand the fear that she faced and were sympathetic. We were also heartbroken. Heartbroken for her that she was struggling so much. Heartbroken for our son that he may not have the open relationship with her that we wanted for him. Heartbroken for us - we really loved her and want her to always be in our lives. So we prayed, a lot, and asked our families to pray too. The two weeks leading up to his birth were super emotional. I felt like I was always doing something wrong. When the adoption facilitator called I always cringed - it always felt like we were getting in trouble for something. We were never trying to be pushy or anything. It was just emotional for all of us.
Anyway... My mom ended up not being able to come early. I had sisters that needed her help and that took a lot of her time, she was busy with church work, and my dad needed some of her time and attention too.
On July 1st Yulia texted me in the evening letting me know that at her doctor appointment that day she found out that her blood sugar was super high and that she may have gestational diabetes. She was two and a half weeks away from her due date so I wasn't super concerned about complications with the baby, but I was worried she could go in to early labor. On the 3rd she texted me and let me know she had started having some contractions. They weren't major, but she had some.
On the 6th she had an OB appointment. I got to Skype into that one. She had an ultrasound as well as a glucose test. While she was there she started having more contractions. Her glucose levels came back high. She was told she couldn't eat ANY carbs. That she would be induced on Friday, if she made it that long. And she was scheduled for another glucose test on Wednesday. (The 6th was a Monday.)
I called Ryan at work and told him that we probably needed to get ready to go. When I first called him we didn't have all the info from the doctor appointment so the plan was for Ryan to just start getting things ready for him to leave work that week and we'd wait and see how things went. But after the appointment was over and we had a better understanding that the baby would be coming that week we decided we'd leave Tuesday.
Ryan stayed late at work getting things finished up. I made dinner then started packing. We called Ryan's parents and asked them to come pick up our dog Penny so that we wouldn't have to worry about dropping her off on our way out in the morning. They got to our house around 8:30 or 9 and played with Abby (which is what we asked them to do.) At 9:30 I got a phone call from Beth letting us know Yulia's water broke and they were on their way to the hospital!!! I SO wanted to be there when our baby was born. I obviously didn't have that chance with Abby, and I wanted it so desperately this time. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep that night so we finished packing as quickly as we could and were in the car by 10. Our house was a disaster, but oh well.
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