Ryan and Amanda's Big Adventures: November 2015

As I said in my last post, Yulia had decided we would always have him at night, so we did. I can't remember how many times he got up that first night. But the nurse had said he needed to eat every two hours and that we should set an alarm to make sure he did. We were supposed to write on a white board when he ate, how much (or how long he ate), and if he had a wet/dirty diaper. She also came in like 3 or 4 times that night to check on him and do different things. She wasn't too concerned about our sleep - she always turned the lights on when she came in, not my favorite thing. We figured out nursing on our sides pretty quick so I slept while he was eating as much as I could. I was so tired. But so happy to have him with me, and to get to nurse.
I can't remember exact details any more. But some time around 9 or so the next morning we started hearing from Ashlene. (She had spent the night with Yuila because Beth couldn't - she ended up spending the next night with her as well, which was so sweet of her.) Yulia wanted Mikey in with her most of the day but then she wasn't feeling great and it took a while for her to actually be ready for him. Beth came in and said good morning when she got to the hospital. She told us she really wanted Yulia to see us that day so she was going to encourage her too. At some point a photographer showed up to take pictures of us and Mikey. We didn't know she was coming and weren't prepared at all. She pushed and wouldn't really take no for an answer so we were just going to let her do her thing, but then the doctor came in to check Mikey and she decided to give up (he was fussy, tired, and hungry anyway and with the doctor doing stuff to him she finally came to the realization the he was just not ready to be photographed.) Eventually Mikey did go to be with Yulia. I had pumped some so she could feed him. While he was with her Ryan and I went to get some gifts for her, and also to eat. Just before we got back Ashlene texted saying Yulia wanted to know if we wanted to have him with us for a couple hours - of course! When Ashlene brought him to us we talked a little about how Yuila was feeling. She was still really struggling to process all the emotions. (I missed her so much - I had thought we'd see her pretty soon after getting there, but she wasn't' ready. We also hadn't texted since Monday. I was used to talking with her almost every day so not getting to communicate with her any more was hard.) Yulia was still confident about placing and us, but she wasn't ready to see us parent him. She had asked Ashlene to take pictures of us with him, which she did, but it took her a while to be able to look at them. She told Ashlene and Beth she would have small windows of time where she felt like she may be ready to see us but the window would close quickly. I honestly can't even begin to understand the emotions she must have been going through. Having gone through two adoptions I am still completely amazed that these girls are able to process all the emotions at all. We had Mikey with us for a couple hours, then he went back to be with Yuila and her family. We missed Abby. We didn't get to see her all day. She was having so much fun playing with her cousins that she was okay without us. We didn't ever know what the timing of things would really be so it was hard to plan - and she was staying at my sister's an hour away. That evening Ashlene texted to say a family friend that was visiting Yuila wanted to come meet us. Then a couple minutes later she texted and said Yulia was coming too! I was so excited!!!!!!!!!! So Ashlene, Beth, their friend (one of Yuila's church leaders), and Yulia came. There was a moment when Yulia first got to our room that she got emotional, but mostly she seemed happy and peaceful, though tired. I am confident there were a lot more emotions going on, but she kept them hidden. We talked and laughed til it was time for the friend to leave, and then they left Mikey with us. Ryan and I ate dinner, then went to bed.

Nursing

Kissing Abby goodnight

The next night was similar to the first, except our night nurse didn't turn all the lights on when she came to check on him, thankfully, and some times I was just too tired to put him back in his bed so I had him just sleep on my chest - but then the nurse would come in and want to put him back to bed.
Thursday Yulia planned on having Mikey with her most of the day. It took her a little while to get going in the mornings. She was feeling really poorly. Not just from the c-section, but with a fever and some other stuff. We had originally thought that we'd sign all the placement/relinquishment paperwork then because we were adoption according to Texas law, which is that relinquishment can happen 48 hours post-placement. But since she'd had a c-section she had to be in the hospital an extra day and we didn't want her to have to be there without him so placement was postponed. Again, while we were waiting for Yulia to be ready for him the photographer showed up all ready to take pictures. Again, we didn't know she was coming and were not ready. She said she'd come back in an hour. My mom and Abby showed up during that time.

Had we had more than an hour to plan I would have timed Mikey's eating and naps better. He was tired and fussy during the pictures, but oh well.

I fed him after pictures then he went to be with Yulia. Beth stopped by once she got there. It was always nice to visit with her and get updates and insights into how Yulia was doing. Ryan and Abby went to get one of Yulia's gifts, my mom went and bought a book, and I slept :). When Ryan and Abby got back we went to lunch at the hospital cafeteria - not my favorite food. While we were eating Ashlene found us to let us know they had taken Mikey away from Yulia and that he was in the nursery. Her fever had spiked and they had diagnosed her with a bacterial infection so she was being quarantined. It was heartbreaking. I felt so bad that on top of the pain of placement, on top of the pain of delivering a baby, on top of the pain of a c-section, she was sick and feeling horrible! And I was heartbroken that she couldn't be with him. I was always happy to have him with us, but I wanted her to have her time with him too. We prayed for her. We also finished eating as quickly as we could and went to retrieve him from the nursery. I don't remember too much of what else we did that afternoon. That evening when Yulia was feeling a little more stable we took him over and stood outside her room so she could see him. Her parents and sister were also there so they took turns holding him. Ryan and her dad gave her a blessing. I enjoyed spending time with her family and her. I felt bad that she was feeling so awful! (The one good thing about her being sick is that it seemed to distract her from all the emotions a bit.)

One of the things that makes adoption so emotional is control - or lack there of. It is hard as adoptive parents because up until papers are signed you have no control. You are always wondering if something you say or do could cause her to change her mind, or if just having the baby would cause it. There is so much uncertainty. And the baby isn't yours yet so you have no control over what happens with him/her. The doctors and nurses aren't supposed to tell you anything. Yulia was so kind about leaving a lot of things up to us from the beginning, but it's still hard. It's hard for the birth mom because once they sign papers they have no control and so that time before placement when they are mom they feel like they need to hold onto that control as much as possible. It's difficult to explain, but it is just hard, for everyone.
Friday was placement day. Unfortunately, Yulia was still struggling a lot. It was a long day. The lawyer was there for six hours trying to work through all the paperwork with her. But they kept getting interrupted by doctors needing to work on Yulia. There was an infections disease doctor, GI specialist, her ob, and other hospital doctors. It was crazy. (Yulia was in pretty good spirits though - Ashlene sent me pictures of her signing the paperwork and she was smiling - I was happy about that.) The hospital was so afraid of an outbreak that anyone going into her room had to wear a gown, mask, and gloves. We went through our paperwork fairly quickly. At 2:04 Ashlene texted saying "Congratulations, he is officially yours." Of course I cried. Happy tears for us, heartbreak tears for her. But Ashlene sent a pic of her signing and she was smiling!
The hospital was difficult to work with though. They didn't want to provide all the medical records we needed. It was super frustrating. They kept saying they only had electronic copies and couldn't give us hard copies. The lawyer told us to wait there until they finally gave us the paperwork we needed. So we did. We finally talked with a social worker that got us what we needed. The last couple hours or so that we were waiting Beth, Yulia, and Ashlene came to our room to spend time with us. It was fantastic. We gave Yulia the gifts we'd gotten for her. Ashlene gave Mikey and Yulia matching bears (and a big sister bear for Abby.) We talked. We laughed. We just enjoyed each other. I loved watching Yulia hold him and love him. I felt like she was trying to memorize him. I could feel how much she loved him. Eventually she was too exhausted to visit any more and they all went back to her room. Finally we got the medical history forms we needed and were ready to go. We packed up, and left. It was nearly 10 by the time we left, so we didn't get to my sister's house til 11ish. Everyone was asleep by then. (Maggi had planned a celebratory dinner but we took too long to get back. :( ) So we went to bed too. (Yulia was not released from the hospital. Since she got sick they said she'd have to stay until Monday at least. Poor girl!)

A picture from Mikey's photoshoot with his name printed on it. She didn't know what name we had settled on until she saw it.

Love this picture by Liz Lemon Swindle. We gave the same one to Cheyenne for her birthday this year and got ourselves one too.

I had done some research to see what things help milk dry up - pineapple juice is apparently one of them.

During the months leading up to delivery I asked Yulia questions about her favorites when we'd text back and forth. She said one of her favorite scents were ocean ones. So we got her a Tranquil Waters candle from Bath and Body Works.

Chocolate is a favorite. She wouldn't give me any specifics so I got her Symphony With Almonds and Toffee Chips (my favorite) and a Gheradeli bar.

Tranquil Waters lotion and soap

When Abby was in the NICU Cheyenne made her a bear at Build-A-Bear, so we made a matching bear for Cheyenne. We decided to make Yulia and Mikey matching puppys (Yuila loves dogs, and so do we.)

You saw that picture laying on the box up above. We had to go to Build-A-Bear twice. The first time we just got the heart. We took pictures of him kissing it and holding it. That's the one we liked best. The second time we (actually Ryan and Abby) went and made the dogs with the heart inside hers.

The bears Ashlene gave us

They both have really large hands (and feet)

Since Yulia had been quarantined they used disposable stethoscopes on her and Mikey. They left them in our rooms, so Yulia got to listen to his heart beat.