Abby's Story - Part 16: Abby's Amazing Birthmom

So, I think it is probably common for adoptive parents to get asked questions such as: Is our adoption open? What is our relationship with Abby's birth mom? How often do we see her?

Here are the answers:
1) Yes, our adoption is open, very open. Cheyenne would not have placed her baby with a family that wanted a closed adoption. One of her requests when choosing us was that she would get to see Abby twice a year; on Abby's birthday and on her birthday.
Before we ever met Cheyenne or knew about Abby we had decided we would want an open adoption. As part of the requirement to adopt you have to go through some sort of training. At the time we did it  our adoption agency did this training all in one day as an adoption seminar. We enjoyed all of it but what was most insightful for us was a birth mother panel. Three birth moms (as well as one biological grandma) were there and told us about their experiences. Even before this we were leaning toward an open adoption but having met these amazing girls and seeing the love they had for their kids and what their relationships were now with them helped us know for sure that open adoptions are a good thing. So Cheyenne wanting to stay in contact with Abby was not a problem for us. And we didn't feel a need to keep contacts limited to twice a year.
2) I can't speak for Cheyenne, but I think we have a great relationship. In fact, I feel really blessed to have Cheyenne as Abby's birth mom. Having talked with some other adoptive parents I think we got lucky. I guess I feel like Cheyenne is kind of like a sister-in-law (a sister that you didn't grow up with) or a niece or something. Like she is just part of our family. What I love about having her in our lives, the great thing about open adoption, is that there is this other person that loves our little girl in the unconditional, complete way that a parent does. How lucky - a person can never be loved too much. I think Cheyenne likes us, thinks we are good parents, and is glad she chose to place with us. I rarely talk on the phone and I don't text at all, but Cheyenne and I email (or FB message) back and forth. Cheyenne will always be part of our lives, and that makes me happy.

3) As I said, we didn't feel a need to limit visits. Until recently Cheyenne lived with her parents who live about 5 miles from us. She now lives on her own but still in the Metroplex. The first month or so we saw Cheyenne about twice a week, then about twice a month, now about once a month or so. We leave it up to Cheyenne. We have invited her to church a couple times, visited her at work when she worked close to us, and have had her babysit once, but mostly we just leave it as an open invitation for her to visit whenever she would like. Abby sends her at least one email a month with updates on how she is doing and what she is up to and also sends her an invite to an on-line photo album with all her pictures for the month. Abby's met Cheyenne's extended family and we've seen Cheyenne's parents multiple times. Now that Cheyenne lives farther away and is working more I am not sure how much we will see her. As it has always been it is up to her, but she is always welcome to see us, and Abby.

I have now answered all the questions typically ask so if you have any other ones let me know. Thanks!